It’s all basal, baby.

I bought a basal thermometer a few weeks back. It was the first, real assertive move I’d made towards pregnancy, and it cost me $9. I want to push an infant through my vagina hole about as much as I to peel off my toenails, but I want to be a mother. I want to raise babies with Meredith, my wife. I want a life of incessant questioning, bicycle injuries, grass stains and first periods. I want it all. And I want it badly.Being in a relationship where two uteri exist, I suspect will have its advantages. In theory, I’ll cook the first bun and we’ll reserve Meredith’s oven until she’s older. I don’t mean for that to sound like she’s a teenager, but she is almost six years younger. A fact to which she enjoys alluding within the pop culture realm as often as possible. She will share things such as:“I hadn’t even gotten my first period when this song came out.”Sheryl Crow’s “If it makes you Happy” plays on the radio.

I’m only 31 and not in horrible shape. But when I think about my stomach swelling, my breasts filling then sagging, my 6-7 hour sleep schedule suffering, I feel like I need to make a baby soon before my body has even more trouble recovering. Teen moms probably have the right idea. They can feel puffy for 9 months, hatch a little chicklet and be back to fourth period English in skinny jeans without much effort. If I could do it all over again …

The pharmacies don’t stock basal thermometers in the medicinal aisle. They are kept in the “family planning” section of the store, next to the lube. The thermometers are also designed to make you think: baby. Mine has a light pink tip and an infant on the container. The purpose of the thermometer is to record your basal temperature every morning, and therefore track your ovulation. As a lesbian I’ve never even tracked my period, so this is taking some dedication. It’s hard to muster dedication at 6:45 a.m. when I’m concentrated on how many more times I can snooze the alarm.

A person’s basal temperature generally stays the same – mine hovering around 97.35 – until ovulation when a spike in temperature occurs. Don’t be fooled by a sudden rise in temperature, though, after a night of fairly heavy drinking. A few nights back, I made a notation on the chart beside my 98.30 temp that read “BEER” as Meredith had surprised me with a generous amount of cheap light beer. Getting up from bed, peeing or drinking water can also affect the thermometer’s reading. Upon waking, I think it’s best to just roll over, stick it in and wait for the indication that it’s finished. Coincidentally, I imagine this must be a common way for a hetero woman to conceive during ovulation.

5 comments

  1. I just happily stumbled upon your blog after googling “basal temperature chart” and then changing it to “basal temperature chart lesbian.” Why did I feel compelled to add “lesbian” you ask? Because I’m weird like that, and I thought maybe some fellow lesbos out there had special queer charts I guess (like our basal temps are any different…?).

    Anyway, glad I found my way here – I love what you’ve written thus far, and look forward to reading along with your journey. My wife had our first baby, and we’re now talking about me getting pregnant with our second this year. So I’ll be on a similar journey soon.

    Best of luck with all of it. And also, go easy on yourself about the dog – yes, pets are good practice for parenting. But trust me, everything totally changes once it’s a baby, and both of you (and the kid) will be just fine. 🙂

  2. I came across your blog after typing in lesbian pregnancy blogs. …and i LOVE it!!! My wife and i have recently decided to have a baby. I want the trips to the park, to the zoo, i think i can handle the 15 hundred wake up calls at night… what i am scared of- is the labour. I can’t imagine a baby’s heard coming out from down there. However, after reading your blog…I am feeling much better!!

    We have decided that i’m best to have the baby.. since my wife is 6 years older than i am-and at 35, she doesn’t feel the need to have a child.

    Anyway, I’m very happy that i came across your blog…I cant stop laughing and smiling.

    Thank you!
    from the Canadian chicks:)

    1. Reading responses like yours is exactly why I started the blog. I hope you keep following along, and good luck to you and your wife as you make Canadian babies!

  3. ashley72788 · · Reply

    I would love to get into contact with you via email — my partner and I have just started the process to try and have a baby…we have our very first appointment tomorrow!!! Please email me!! ashleyd72788@gmail.com

    Thanks!

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