I came down with a head cold over the weekend. The kind where your throat feels constricted and throbs and your head feels like a helium balloon. Or, what I imagine being inside a helium balloon might feel like. I’m not completely helpless when I get sick, but I can’t be expected to do much besides watch “One Tree Hill” marathons on SOAP Net all day. Within the same weekend, I encountered one of my least favorite of Meredith’s charming attributes: her morning disposition.
I’m always very careful when attempting to wake Meredith from her morning coma. Sometimes I think she’s capable of swinging a fist or kicking me in the stomach. Most mornings, I leave her in bed, undisturbed, and head to work. I prefer this routine to any morning schedule that requires us to wake up at the same time.
So I started thinking about our newborn. The newborn we haven’t created yet. The newborn that we haven’t even decided how to create yet. Still, I like to skip past the trickier parts of ovulation, insemination, pregnancy, labor, epidural, contraction, afterbirth – PUKE! – and go right to the soft, pink, tiny newborn phase. I started wondering who’s habits will likely put the baby in more danger: Meredith’s morning monster routine or my incapacitated sick bed routine. I think these are the behaviors people tell you will change once you bring baby home from the hospital.
“Everything changes! You’ll never be selfish again!”
Based on my inability to take the dog out to pee while laid up sick, in addition to the sheer hatred in Meredith’s morning scowl, I have my doubts if real change is possible.