This is meant to be a tactful way to say, “Yes, we want kids in the near future.”
All I can hear is:
“We’re having sex on the regular!”
I don’t want to know this about my closest friends. And I don’t want to know this about coworkers or casual acquaintances. It’s a widely acceptable piece of shared information, but I can’t condone it. It’s TMI. And thinking about my coworkers having coitus is as terrible as seeing a coworker naked in the gym locker room. Yeah. I’ve been there.
Lucky for me, lesbian pregnancy is still a mysterious, slightly awkward topic for a lot of people. But even if someone is completely comfortable asking us about kids, Meredith and I never get the question:
“So, are you guys trying for kids yet?” In that high-pitched, intrusive tone.
Try as we might, we’ll never get there. And, as a side note, we’re not even close to the insemination stage. We have no idea what we’re doing. A couple of clueless lesbians. We’re in the internet research stage. The read-a-book-written-by-a-gay-parent stage. Since we’ve gotten married, though, people are asking when we’re thinking about having kids. It’s a reassuring jump to that conclusion even though gay marriage is legal in less than 10% of our states. Hetero or other, people still acknowledge that marriage is to children as peanut butter is to fluff. If you haven’t been there, get there:
Instead, the question gets posed like a corporate operative strategy:
“So, ah, what’s the game plan?”
“What’s our knowledge base on implanting semen?”
“How can we improve our best practices to ensure successful pregnancy?”
It’s scientific. It’s egg + sperm = baby. Or, so we hope. Even the word ‘cryobank’ sounds nerdy and futuristic. It’s not tawdry, it’s clinical. We’re just a couple of girls, cooking up a recipe for motherhood. And you can leave the naked bedroom time out of it, thank you.