Seeking Professional Help

The list of things that Meredith and I agree on is … short. Finding common ground can be challenging but makes for a very interesting relationship. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. A short list of discrepancies might include:

1. Music: Meredith generally hates music (although more recently has taken to singing renditions of Pink, Rhianna and Katy Perry tunes while we work on the new house).

I spend a good deal of time categorizing my music, updating my iTunes, looking for new bands, and asking my musically inclined friends to send me new music. When we listen to songs from my iPod together, Meredith’s reaction is usually something like,

“Ugh, do you actually enjoy this?”

2. Television: Meredith is obsessed with TV that features screaming babies and belligerent socialites such as: The Real Housewives series, The Duggars and Sisterwives. This kind of TV makes me anxious and sad.

Conversely, she has to leave the room when I have the TV tuned to a Sunday afternoon Patriots game because I yell too much.

3. Dining out:  I love a nice dinner out on the town. I love the wine service, choosing appetizers, and splurging on dessert. I spent nearly a decade in the restaurant service industry, and I appreciate the experience.Meredith gets very uncomfortable having others wait on her. She has a bit of social anxiety, making it a nervous experience instead of an enjoyable one. She also has an intolerance to gluten, making it harder, at times, to select her meal.

Still, we agree on the really important things like spending the rest of our lives together; watching the last 8 episodes of Oprah; the truth that working out is not fun no matter how many people claim to experience a “runners high;” we would definitely both go straight for Ryan Gosling.

All of our differences in opinion pale in comparison to the decision we have to make about our donor. We’ve batted ideas back and forth for over a year. We’ve talked about it sober. We’ve talked about it after bottles of wine. We’ve talked about it with friends, with family, with new acquaintances. We’ve talked it into the ground. And, although we have both agreed we’re willing to give a little ground to the other’s side, we are far from reaching a consensus. I don’t think Meredith will ever be 100% comfortable knowing our donor; and, I don’t think I can ever fully embrace making a baby with sperm from a complete stranger. But, at the end of the day, one of these scenarios will happen. I started calling 2011 the Year of the Baby because I’m so determined to get our plans in order to get me knocked up. But, it’s time we sought out some professional help.

Fenway Health in Boston is a huge advocate for LGBT health so I started researching there for services, advice, programs – anything, really. Fenway offers an entire program dedicated to Alternative Insemination, and the first step is enrolling in the Alternative Insemination Orientation. Or, as my friend Eric calls it, the Inseminar.

Next week, Meredith and I head into the city to learn everything we ever wanted to know about donors, sperm banks, folic acid, ovulation, and everything in between. I know we’re not going to come out of the orientation magically on the same page with a game plan carefully charted out for the rest of this year. But, I think this is a strong start. If purchasing a basal thermometer was our first big step towards researching pregnancy, this is definitely the second.


  1. God, our lives are frighteningly similar.

    1. It’s why we have formed such a kinship.

  2. I wish I had sperm.

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