Santa is dead.

I am easily disappointed. I tend to get very excited for and attached to things or plans. When these things or plans change, I’m told my face and demeanor looks something akin to a child who’s just lost his puppy. Meredith, who most often gets to take the brunt of my disappointment, rarely has any sympathy. And, it’s good that she helps me keep things in perspective. She will usually say, “Okay, relax. No one killed Santa.”

I suppose, in the beginning, she was more sympathetic to this. But, she soon learned that I feel equal disappointment about not getting a promotion as I do about missing the season finale of “Bones” due to a DVR malfunction; or, Duncan not sleeping in bed with us anymore; or, a poorly made egg sandwich; or, maybe the ultimate cause for a crushed spirit, a Patriots loss.

Meredith’s brother and I still do not speak about the 2007 Super Bowl loss that kept us from finishing the season undefeated.

Let me get back on track. I suffered a blow of disappointment this week not because of football or television but because Meredith and I realized we’d needed to reschedule our “Inseminar” at the Fenway Health Center in Boston. We were meant to attend on Thursday night, a time that needed to be spent filling and stacking boxes. The orientation is offered every two months, which means we’ve been anticipating it for two months. But, it also means we don’t have to wait more than two months for another class to be offered. With the craziness of our move and all the house renovations, there really isn’t time for a trip into Boston to talk about baby-making.

So even though I did feel a little twinge of sadness when asking the orientation coordinator about rescheduling, I reminded myself that our plans for getting pregnant haven’t been deterred at all. And there are plenty of other things I can be doing to help us make our decision on a donor. Like shopping for celebrity look-a-likes:

http://www.cryobank.com/Donor-Search/Look-A-Likes/

First of all, I want to know who is honestly looking for a donor combo of Keanu Reeves, Taylor Lautner and some kid from “One Tree Hill?”  (Micheal Copon)

Is this how the California Cryobank lures in curious couples to opt for a celebrity look-a-like donor?I also want to know who is responsible for determining the resemblances of these guys to the likes of Ben Affleck or Bob Saget. Seriously, Saget is on the cryobank’s list of options. If I could somehow verify what kind of person is making the comparison between donor and celebrity, I would feel a little more secure with this decision. How reliable is the source? Is the person determining look-a-likes the same person making decisions like: Let’s make Bob Saget an option on our list of celebrities?Should we go with this idea of choosing a celebrity look-a-like donor, it then becomes a task of choosing between my number one choice of seed:

or choosing someone that looks more like Meredith:

7 comments

  1. Sisserwrobel · · Reply

    they don’t have any Hugh Grant look alikes- not kewl

    1. Higher demand for Saget, I guess.

  2. If I’d been partaking of a beverage while reading this post, no doubt my screen would have been on the receiving end of a large amount of beverage spew. Fucking hilarious.

    And I so feel you on the absolute equality of disappointment! My wife has come to know the same about me, and thankfully embraces it as one of my loveable (and maddening) quirks. Your take on the baby adventure is perfect – indeed, especially with a move in the works, no rush. I promise they will have plenty of your desired sperm when you’re good and ready. 🙂 (And I highly recommend Pacific Reproductive Services if you’re in California, though they can ship elsewhere – lesbian owned, and their service is amazing!)

    1. Thanks for the tip, and I’m glad you’re enjoying the read. Meredith says the CA cryobank is better than the one out here in NE so maybe west coast guys have better goo?

      1. Better goo may be *part* of the equation! But it’s also favorable state law influencing how CA banks operate. We had friends try CA Cryo, and they got a distinctly homophobic vibe. Things could have changed in the last couple of years though. That said, since PRS is lesbian owned, you will *always* be more than welcome. They took a look at the “A” and “B” lists we created after viewing detailed donor profiles, and then went one by one, letting us know which ones most closely fit our desired traits, since they know all of their donors very well. In the end, it turned out they thoroughly agreed with our first choice, but it was really nice to have that kind of confirmation (and our little dude is seriously *AWESOME* so the results speak for themselves!). 🙂

  3. tiffany · · Reply

    hilarious!

  4. Ryan Shivvvz · · Reply

    3 words.
    zachary ty bryan

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