Conversations about making babies: March 6, 2011

I have an obsession with teen soaps. I don’t get tired of watching them, and I don’t care how outrageous the drama gets. Give me drug overdoses; give me underage drinking; give me date rape; give me nanny Carrie, crazy as a shit house rat. Love it.
My favorite Saturday morning lineup consisted of flipping between Lifetime and SOAPNet for a power combo of “One Tree Hill,” “The OC,” and “Beverly Hills 90210.” When we were still living in Manchester, I would let Meredith sleep in while I curled up with the pug, a cup of coffee and all my favorite teen drama queens. I once babysat for a ten-year-old who had never heard of Zack Morris, which I found to be a real sign of child neglect and poor parenting. My kids will probably sing the theme song to “Dawson’s Creek” before they learn “The Star Spangled Banner.”
On a Saturday in early March, Buddy and I discuss my drinking, Kelly Taylor’s trouble at the Keg House and, naturally, sperm donors.

11:57 AM Buddy: booojay
i heard you pulled a buddy the night before last

11:58 AM me: haha
in true buddy fashion
what a mess
11:59 AM I am on the NE cryogenic website

12:01 PM Buddy: show me
i like to shop

12:04 PM me:
12:07 PM fenway health in bahstan (advocate for the gays) offers an artificial insemination orientation I wanna go to

Buddy: FENWAY!!!!
you should go

me: I think I will set something up
it’s already march for fuck’s sake
12:08 PM this is supposed to be year of the baby and i’m too busy being the night before girl!

Buddy: i don’t think a baby will change that
you will always be night before
it is in your dna

12:11 PM me: i told meredith that I was certainly not drunk
and then did not remember talking to her the next day

Buddy: when you say that
it means you certainly ARE drunk

me: yes

Buddy: and will not remember the next day
12:12 PM hahahah
you try so hard to deny your destiny
12:13 PM so are yall shopping for sperm

me: the most amazing thing happened this morning
steve sanders showed up to a car wash wearing a fanny pack and hugged dan from OTH

12:15 PM Buddy: keg house

me: so good
i am switching between 90210 and benny and joon
the sperm question is still up for debate

Buddy: i used to love benny and joon
12:16 PM i wanted a crazay bf
then i got them

me: lol

Buddy: then i wanted a normal one

me: we are getting information on both known and unknown baby juish

12:18 PM Buddy: i think unknown baby juish should come with a dna profile
maybe just save some of the goo

12:23 PM me: i go make eggies now hungry girl

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