Calzona & The Issues

Calzona & The Issues sounds more like a punk band than a blog post title, but I’m sticking by it. Speaking of bands, and yes this is a shameless segue, Meredith and I drove into Boston on Tuesday night to see a show, which is something that happens maybe once a year. We’re married, settled, lazy, and generally hold a pretty lame social calendar. Back in my glory days of college and reckless abandon, Alisa and I would post up on bar stools for live shows all the time. Smoking our ciggies, drinking our cheap beer, and scowling at hipsters who weren’t as hip as us. Those days are long gone, and I now enjoy much more the comfort of my couch and bad TV.But every now and again something comes up that warrants us breaking our lazy evening routine. This week an old friend of ours from North Carolina came through Boston with her band Mount Moriah, touring with The Rosebuds. The show was amazing, and I’m not just saying that because I used to eat lentil soup and Wasa crackers with the lead singer when we were housemates.We got into Boston at 8:00, ate dinner, drank a beer, and headed to the venue where Mount Moriah opened at 9:00. By 10:00 they were finishing the set and I was stifling yawns from being out past curfew. By 10:30, Meredith was getting anxious about not having a full night’s sleep, and by 10:45 we were on our way home. Being out late on a weeknight is so much harder when you’re not accustomed to working hungover and sleep-deprived. Is it sad I just classified 10:45 as “being out late?” Moving on …

When we aren’t out in Boston, pretending to have social lives, Meredith and I are usually on the couch sifting through our DVR. Last night was no different as we found ourselves watching the new episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.” I’ve been accused of solely subscribing to shows with lesbian plot lines, and although I find this to be an unfair assessment, this post is not going to work in my favor. Grey’s has one of the biggest and most prominent lesbian subplots on television. The two main characters have even been gifted a portmanteau, which combines the ladies’ first names of Callie and Arizona to make “Calzona.”

(Sidebar: There is nothing redeeming about the nickname “Calzona” as it’s only capable of reminding me of pizzerias.)

For most of last season the couple dealt with high drama topics like infidelity, confused sexuality and near-death accidents. But, in last night’s episode the lesbian wives dealt with some REAL ISSUES. Arizona, a pediatric surgeon, was fighting with Dr. Karev while they operated on a small child. The small child was in danger of dying from a broken shunt and a severe bowel obstruction. The kid also happened to be the very same baby Dr. McDreamy and Meredith “Everett, MA” Grey are trying to adopt – drama! Dr. Karev points out that Arizona has no more legal rights to her baby with Callie than McDreamy has to his partially-adopted-African-baby. Touche. Later that same day, Arizona hyperventilates to her baby mama that they need to sign the paperwork and make it legal instead of just talking about it. Callie assures her they will then comforts her with hugs, kitten kisses, and an afghan they knitted together. Oh, lesbians.

The legal process of LGBT couples starting families makes for good TV, but it’s also a real part of the baby-making process for the queer crowd. One morning while considering blog content, I started researching the topic of making Meredith a legal parent after a baby is born. It was either the content or the dark roast coffee, but soon I felt overwhelmed and anxious, quickly ending the morning research project. I don’t think it’s important to nail it all down prior to pregnancy unless you’re using a known donor. There is an affidavit involved that the donor must sign to surrender his rights. But if you’re choosing the mystery cryobank goo like us, it’s probably OK to wait. Not until the kid’s fifth birthday or anything, but maybe after the delivery. If you’re like me, there are going to be more important things to worry about like accessorizing your baby with tiny NE Patriots jerseys or Converse sneakers that they will grow out of within 2 months.

** If you’ve been living your life without having seen Ellen Pompeo getting Punk’d in all her Everett, MA, class and style, you’ve been missing out on so much. Please click the link below for immediate life fulfillment and try not to let Meredith Grey give you nightmares in future episodes after watching the clip.

One comment

  1. Meredith · · Reply

    you better believe we will solidify my rights during the pregnancy. If we will ever get a divorce it will be during labor.

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