Lesbians Under Construction

The other day Meredith confided in me that her one true life’s desire was ultimately not in math education (as she is trained); and, not in writing comedic memoir (as she is gifted); but, in reality television. I shouldn’t be surprised at this admission since there is very little that holds a candle to reality TV in Meredith’s world. And that is taking into account our two pups, the cat, the house, and let’s face it: me. I can’t think of a reality genre in which she hasn’t dabbled. She loves the ‘Housewives,’ she loves the birthing baby shows, she loves the home renovation shows, she enjoys both trading wives and ‘Trading Spaces.’ She even likes shows about reality shows.

So she says to me, sort of off-hand: I really wish we could pitch a reality TV show. I would call it “Lesbians Under Construction.”

Since then, I sometimes imagine that while we’re doing renovations on the house, or even just cooking dinner, she is secretly pretending there are cameras in our house, capturing our every interaction. Truth is, I’m pretty certain we are too boring to be on TV. I mean, what would be our hook? We’re a coupla Massachusetts gay ladies who spend our weekends chipping away at endless house projects and singing to Katy Perry radio on Pandora, all the while trying to keep our pug from burning out his retinas in front of work lights.

We started calling him Ray Charles.

This past weekend as we toiled towards completing our hardwood floor installation, I can think of nothing that would have sparked a viewer’s interest:

Oh look – Meredith is judging Andrea’s decision of that board placement.

Oh interesting, now they’re going to dissect the process of selecting boards until they both feel they have adequately expressed their point-of-view to the other and can safely move on.

Oh wait! Something exciting is about to happen – oh no. They are just going to the fridge for a soda and taking a break to talk about how much they enjoy Rhianna. 

I mean, seriously? I’m sleeping already.

But Meredith has apparently already written us into a second season, in which we either get pregnant and deal with my pregnancy while continuing to renovate, or maybe it takes place during the kid’s first year. The script is unclear. Perhaps the show’s title is also metaphoric? Our house is under construction, but with bringing a new baby into our family, so is our relationship. “Lesbians Under Construction.” So very deep.

Meredith’s pipe dream of starring in our own reality show and rubbing elbows with the Housewives at Bravo network parties may never come true. But the real life renovations are certainly catching wind and taking shape. Over the past few days we broke our backs extending the wood floors from our front room into the kitchen. Please prepare to “ooh” and “ahhh,” but if you don’t my feelings won’t be hurt (much).

And just in case we ever are discovered for our captivating boring lesbian lifestyle of home renovation and hopeful motherhood, a potential theme song is already in the works. I know because I can hear it drifting from under the bathroom door when Meredith is showering.

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